The following is an interview I conducted with myself.
Did your mother cry when you told her you wouldn't be spending it with your family?
Not on the phone, but for all I know she wept for hours afterward.
Where will you sleep?
My girlfriend's answer: In my bed with me.
Her mom's answer: In her brother's room.
Her brother's answer: On the couch
My answer: I don't want to ruffle any feathers. I'll just sleep in the car.
What's the worst that could happen?
It's a tie between:
1) I'll get lost in the airport, miss my flight, and/or lose my luggage.
2) On first impression her parent's will hate me. I'll spend the next five days avoiding eye contact with them and physical contact with my girlfriend.
3) Her parents will think, "She was better off with her last boyfriend."
Did you buy her family gifts?
I'm certainly not gonna win them over with my looks and wit - but no. Not yet. Any ideas? Everyone loves liquor, right?
Will you have sex on this trip?
With my girlfriend? No way. I don't even want her parents thinking I have a dick to do that with. I'm so afraid of getting caught with an erection - what's the opposite of viagra? Pictures of Ron Jeremy? I'm going to wrap my dick in pictures of Ron Jeremy.
This is how disappointed her parents will look
when they find out I have a dick.
when they find out I have a dick.
What are you looking forward to the most?
Can i be honest? Some sort of family blow up. One year my cousin told my uncle, a pastor, to go fuck himself over the rules of a Yankee Swap. Can you beat that?
3 comments:
You tell it like it is brother
Godspeed broski, ill be rooting for you. Also, the supposed dad in the picture has an expression more along the "Really, a penis? Let me see" lines than disappointment. Or maybe it is disappointment, because he secretly wants to touch it. Pictures say 1000 words, eh?
Graham, it's him noticing how big I am. It's like a can of whipped cream. How's that visual?
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