I'm back by demand. Not popular demand because my pubescent past prevents me from ever being considered popular. I played power rangers until I was 15. I was the green ranger, which I thought made me cooler. In fact it made me a huge loser. My friend was the blue ranger. For those who don't know, the blue ranger was the nerdiest in the tv series. Therefore my friend was associated with the nerdiest. But I was. At least he could accept he was a nerd. I lived a fantasy where I was cooler than him because I was the green ranger. It doesn't matter which power ranger you choose to be; that you choose to be a power ranger is not cool.
But today, I changed. I metamorphosed (mighty-morphosed!) into a butterfly. A really bad ass butterfly. With chains and skull tattoos and shit.
I was scoping biddies on the Charles river at Harvard University. Rowers glided under the bridge. The water glistened like a river of diamonds. Bikini-clad hotties didn't give me the time of day.
I read William Faulkner until, out of the corner of my eye, I saw five bodies drop into the water. Fucking bad ass.
They jumped from the bridge
I wanted that. Normally I'd pussy out, but I had no company, no one to impress, and no one to be embarrassed by. So I packed up my shit, made sure at least a few women noticed my walk towards bravado, and made my way to the top of the bridge.
I met with the jumpers and in the most masculine way said, "Whoa. Farther than it looks."
I stepped atop the ledge. A gentleman noted, "Fucking do it," and proceeded to count down from 10.
At one, I lept my most daring leap.
I think I had the help of the green ranger. Thanks, Tommy.
P.s. Afterward I called my mom and told her the truth. If everyone jumped off a bridge I just might do it, too.
My day: an illustration
(The bridge appears smaller than it is)
(I couldn't have done it without you, Dragonzord)
